Morpheus, Morpheus, where art thou my Morpheus?

Sometimes I wonder if I want to say Hypno.
I want to sleep....I think....

You see, I'm a lucid dreamer. Hi, it happens. I know I'm asleep most of the time I dream. Sometimes I don't know but regardless my dreams feel like they go on and on for hours, ages, years. I can sleep while asleep and wake up in my dreams the next day.

Sometimes, between intervals, I wake up, look around me, find that the day will be dull and monotone. So I head back to sleep. Finding that you have the ability to continue living in a fantasy is dangerous.

Since that episode I had in San Fran where I wouldn't go to school, wouldn't get out of bed, would really do nothing but sleep for almost a whole week, sleep is something kinda funny to me.

I can go on for days without sleeping only to realize I'm waking up from passing out of exhaustion.

And then, sometimes, I sleep. I sleep for hours, I can sleep for days and continue a strang of one dream, elongate it as much as I please. Liv ein my little fantasy world and tighten or loosen my control over my surroundings as I please.

Only when I loosen my hold for too long do I find myself fully awake, fully rested, and completely unsatisfied. But mostly frustrated. And long hours spent spinning up a wonderful or dreadful story turns to nothing but mush and blended blurred imges in my head.

But sometimes, most of the time, I tend to remember things in perfect vivid colour details.

So, point being, there's a chance I can't sleep because I'm afraid of it. Of getting...stuck. Getting stuck for that week was hell. Good hell. The kind of hell where you get to do anything you want and have no cares or worries.

The kind of hell this 'god' thing describes is NOTHING like true hell.

True hell is lovely, beautifulm tantalising and teasing. It can be sexual, but mostly it's based on ego. And my ego screams swords and fights, dragons, battles, cavalry, ho!


Aaaaaand sometimes I have odd dreams that I know are prophetic, that are answers to questions I've already forgotten I've asked. Or foretellings in images of what is to come in my life or a close one's life.

Maybe, though....I have a serious problem. Sleeping just is not easy. I find myself tired a lot, but unable to sleep. Or tired and sleepy but trying desperately to stay awake.

And then the first wind kicks in. Then the second. And third.

I usually sleep with a razopan or two. Pills put me right into dreamless slumber. But relying on pills sucks.

Yeah...so I haven't slept in two days. Maybe 3-4 hours at some point... But I can't remember anymore.

Memory lapses are part of not sleeping. Your brain feels heavier, you get slower. It's like being tipsy or high, but it's just your body feeling completely unhealthy.

It's what machines must feel like right before they run out of battery.

It's weird but...I feel more...awake when I don't sleep for days. I can't really TALK to people, or interact well with others. But when it comes to writting and talking to people on IM or some such while I'm under the influence of no sleep gettings for daysssssss, I feel like I can take over the world.


Yeah. It's all a lie. I can't really do that. And I'm no cleverer than I was 42 hours ago when I was semi well rested. In fact, I might be a bit clumsier with everything.

But that's why I compare it to being tipsy.


......I started writing in hopes I'd bore myself to sleep at the very least. Or find some conclussion that would make me nod at the screen, smile my half hearted smile, and head to bed in peace.

Obviously, when very sleepy, you tend to day dream more.

Lost....

We'd been lost for a couple of hours now. Not many...I don't think. Well, it was a while till we noticed we were truly lost, and quite a while longer before either of us admitted we might need directions.

Of course on this island, we're in the middle of the rain forest. And although you can find civilization anywhere, sometimes it could be an hour or so before you actually find the houses of family members bundled together in some sort of odd clan like setting.

We asked directions a few times. But even the citizens seemed to know little of how far we came and how to get us out of the knot we'd tied ourselves into. Mirky for giving me bogus directions, and me for following them knowing they were bogus and about to enjoy an adventure.

It all started as a quest to find a river. We wanted to bathe in fresh water and enjoy the peace of true, deep nature. Well, it seems true deep nature likes to hide from us. Or perhaps we're a bit daft and would constantly space out and not read signs....or bring directions.... or someone who'd actually BEEN to the location.

At first we had stopped to look for 'Rio Ca~a'. Now, we're complete idiots when it comes to most of our culture. Mostly the towns around us. So asking for directions and being lead into a small town and then, once more, asking for directions at a Subway....

Where I was hit on by a butch sounding, yet actually quite attractive, lady.

She told us we WERE in fact in Ca~a. That the only 'River' (Rio in spanish) is a small creek that snakes through the middle of the small town.

Well, we're two very bright apples.

Anyways. At one point, far away from Rio Ca~a now, we've been lost for a good few hours. We've asked for directions once and been lead astray, tried making the best of it and taken the Panoramic view.

Now we are at the top of this mountain we have scaled. Amazed at its vastness. In awe that we had not noticed just how beautiful and awesome this mountain we had been scaling for hours was.

We took some pictures there, watched some clouds float by a few feet above from us. We watched cows munch on grass and looked down the rolling plains that abruptly, with no symmetry at all, would lead into deep jungle.

We dance on the path we've taken. Or at least Mirky does while I look around us and wonder 'how much longer before we can find directions again....'

Taking a break, Mirky turns the camera to me, recording.

"So, what are you doing?"

She asks, smiling wide. I take my time, I'm tired of being lost. My bumm hurts, We're low on cigarettes....

I'm done preparing, I finaly take my hit.

"I am finding our way home."

Laughter ensues. We actually consult someone not too long after that. They give us directions that....got us OUT of the jungle, but we still had to ask again to get us out of the city we had somehow reached.

All in all, it was a great day. Getting lost in new parts of the island is always fun. Good music, good company, laughter and mystery most of the way. New sights. Fresh air, and that always troubling worry 'are we going to make it?'

It was nice.

We came home to watch the VMA's and realize that Mirky has some irrational fear of Lady Gaga (and her wardrobe)

We mentioned and later discussed the possibility that she might be trying to be some sort of 'Neo Bjork'.

I see it. Kinda sorta.